Consistency is the thing

Okay, so, I haven't been doing so well with being consistent on this blog. I know I want it to be a daily thing for me, and I know that it should be a daily thing, I just have difficulty some days in finding the willpower to sit down and get it done.

My life is full of unnecessary habits. Better described as "things I do that take away from other things that should be a priority and make me a better person." Habits that are easy and entertaining, but ultimately unfulfilling. This is, or course, the worst place to be. Not really doing anything wrong which would trigger a more drastic reaction, just a bunch of little things that are easy to live with that take up time.

So, with the little pity party I've just written, what could I find in my life that I can be thankful for? Therein lies the heart of the problem: I get so caught up in ignoring the things that matter that I have difficulty recognizing the real blessings that operate in my life.

I will not print any meaningless resolutions or heady revelations or promises. Instead, I will simply say that I am grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father who still blesses me with a spirit of kindness and awareness of who I am. I still know that this is not who I am, and that I can get back to a state of clarity and happiness. I'm grateful that I still have the ability to change and the knowledge that I can.

Good Friends

Just waiting to go out with my great friend - Tiffany. She is moving to Utah in the next couple of days and I am extremely sad. I hate that she is going, but I know this is what is best for her family. I hate saying goodbye to my friends. I don't do it well. I wish I never had too. 3 years ago, I had to say goodbye to Alisha and it took me a long time to get over that. So, I assume it will take me a long time to get over Tiffany going. But, having said all of that, I am so grateful for wonderful friends that teach me, listen to me, share in my life and love me for who I am. Alisha and Tiffany have blessed my life in so many ways over the past 6-8 years. They have laughed with me, cried with me, counsiled me, served me and generally loved me. I have learned how to be a better friend, wife, mother, and person because of their examples. I will never forget them in my life and I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing of associating with them. Good luck in your new adventure Tiffany. I will miss you terribly, but am so happy that you have gotten what you truly want and deserve!

Recognition is nice

While on a business call today I had someone give me some very solid but unexpected recognition. I had worked on a project that was somewhat unusual and had to really work hard to get even minor ideas of mine passed through. The perception from many was that my influence and effect on the project was minimal. 

However, in the call today we were re-visiting the project and my partner basically said that my efforts were largely underestimated and that they were critical to their success and something that they all found invaluable. 

It was unexpected, and came at just the time when I needed it to boost my mood and morale. 

A little inspiration

Today my wife left for Las Vegas to help out her sister do some painting and decorating of her house. She took Sabrina with her which left me with my two boys. This could have been a bad idea.

For those that aren't aware, my son Gavin and I have our issues. He is a loving and very intelligent child, but he has some obsessive compulsive issues that create a lot of stress in our relationship. I don't understand how he makes decisions or how he interprets the input from his environment, and often his reactions seem specifically targeted to drive me to the maximum level of crazy. Usually Marci is there to act as a buffer for me - when I reach maximum level of frustration, I can turn it over to Marci and she can take over while I cool off.

Needless to say, with Marci being gone for several days I was not looking forward to managing Gavin on my own.

However, tonight...it wasn't so bad. I had to take him with me to drop Caleb off at church for YM and then I needed to drop by Costco to grab a few things. Early on I got the impression that I should try really hard to just let Gavin be himself and not worry too much about it. As we went around Gavin continued to act in ways that would normally have driven me insane...nothing bad, just doing things that I usually consider annoying to others or unwise in public places...but I was ready to let that all slide by and just let it go. It was a surprisingly easy evening.

I'm not sure if I'd be able to manage that kind of zen every time we go out, and I had never even tried before, but it seemed to work out. Now if I can only figure out how to have the same kind of calm when there are things that are urgent or required and the resulting fallout when trying to get Gavin to go along.

The example of others

Today I have been thinking about the example of others. 

On Saturday we went to Brother (!) Killian's farm to do a photo shoot for a gal for her senior pictures. We were having fun and moving around to various locations when suddenly Bro. Killian comes out of his house in his bare feet and hands my wife a huge 9x14 tray of cinnamon rolls. No reason - he just knew we were there and wanted to give them to us. 

It might sound like a silly experience, and something quite random and small - but it is also an example of a man who has spent a lifetime learning how to be generous and kind. He just wanted to be generous and didn't hesitate to be so. He has been a marvelous example for me in many ways and it was a blessing for me to be a recipient of his personal generosity.

So...that is the end goal. To have a lifetime of serving and generosity and kindness and then to pass that along to others by way of example. That's not a bad life at all.

Amazing Man

I am so grateful for an amazing husband that indulges me in many ways and truly wants to see me happy. As Jared has mentioned in a previous post, I have been doing some work on our house. It is something that I love to do and yet, it always costs lots of money. So, when I have extra to spend (which is not often) I want to make changes to our house. Some of these projects I can do myself, but most of them I need his help with. He does not sign on for these project, but he willingly will help me. I know he sometimes grumbles inside when I start something new in anticipation of having to change his plans for a Saturday to help me finish a project, but he always makes those changes and helps me out. It is something that makes me love him even more and helps me appreciate how good he is to me. He is such a good man and I am truly blessed to have him as my husband. Thank you for giving up working out, going hiking, or just doing something that you enjoy more so that you can help me out and make me happy. All of your efforts do not go unnoticed. I love you!!

Completing projects

Every once in a while my wife decides to re-do our house. This winter/spring was one of those times. She has re-painted Sabrina's room, our room and our bathroom. She has gotten new carpet for our room and the two kids rooms. She has put a frame around our bathroom mirror, installed a new light fixture, a new towel rod and 2 new shelves in the toilet room. She has purchased new nightstands and a "bench" for our bed. We have been living in a wreck of a house for weeks now. Thankfully, today, the carpet was finally installed and we have returned most of our house back to normal.

Today, I am grateful that the number of projects we have been working on has now been reduced significantly, and the only thing we have left to do is paint the cabinets in both bathrooms (a task we will be paying someone else to do), and then paint the kid's bathroom.

The end is in sight, and I couldn't be more grateful.

Another Sunday in the books

I'm not quite sure what to be thankful for today. The day was, generally, just like any other Sabbath day...full of all that is good in life. Nothing really remarkable for me stood out, just a general sense of rightness and goodness. It is a blessing to be able to have a ward that we enjoy so much, and it is a blessing to be in a position to serve all of the fine members here. 

Seems like that's plenty of blessings to be thankful for right there.

An understanding wife

I love to hike. I really do. I've spoken about it plenty before so this is nothing new. What may be somewhat unusual to know is that I feel guilty as heck every time I go. I feel guilty for leaving my wife behind and for not doing the many other things that could and should be done on a Saturday. It's one of the reasons I don't go as often as I'd like and it is the primary reason why I don't go camping very often (if at all). When I'm gone I miss soccer games for my daughter, getting things done around the house and the yard. There are often church activities that are going on that I feel somehow that I should be attending (especially as a member of the bishopric).

As much as I love it, it is still hard sometimes for me to leave and be gone all day.

I am now hiking with my son Caleb and occasionally with Gavin so the time should be more valuable to me and I should feel less guilt for leaving other concerns to wait for my return. I guess I just have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Besides, I love hanging out with my wife, so leaving her is the hardest thing to do.

However, I my wife also understands this and tries very hard to make me not feel so guilty. She knows I don't go every Saturday, and she knows I don't go year round (summer is a lousy time to hike in the desert). So, she indulges me in the hiking season and tries to be as understanding as possible and when I start to express how I don't feel like I "should" go, she is quick to point out that she is okay with it.

Thank you dear for valuing my love for hiking and finding ways to help me enjoy it more - even if I feel a bit guilty for leaving.